more than just the spare


Istimewa — January 20, 2015


Ada saat dimana saya melihat seorang biasa sangat istimewa. Justru sering sekali kalanya orang-orang istimewa justru mereka yang biasa saja.

Tak peduli atribut-atribut dunia yang megah melekat, namun tetap saja mereka terlihat sangat berbeda. Saya selalu terkesima, dan kemudian merasa bukan siapa-siapa.

Heran saja, di dalam dunia penuh kaca, orang-orang ini masih terlihat apa-adanya.

Mereka yang tak sibuk bahkan tak tau cara ber-drama

Sampai-sampai mereka sendiri terjerat oleh prasangka

Rasanya ingin memberi penghormatan yang paling layak untuk mereka. Menunjukan salutnya saya, karena mereka ini yang justru tetap memberi warna pada dunia yang gulita.

Dunia yang terlalu gelap gulita dalam membedakan mana citra mana kaca.

Sempat mencoba mengacak-acak alur yang sudah lama terkonsturksi oleh dunia, butuh waktu untuk terus kemudian sadar

yang sederhana selalu menawarkan cerita yang berbeda, yang justru lebih….. istimewa.

Manusia —


Manusia, sadarkah sudah berapa lama terlupa, mengikuti saja apa mau mereka?

Sadarkah tak lagi kau mengakar pada identitas sendiri?

Manusia, aku hanya ingin ingatkan

Pada saatnya, saat-saat kau genggam segala, kau justru merasa hampa.

Kau tak lagi menggenggam segala dengan makna, karena segalamu…..mengikuti mereka.

Tak lagi punya segala, kau justru mati rasa.

Sadar sudah tak berpijak di kaki abadi,  kau hanya sama dan tak istimewa

jangan tanyakan aku mengapa?aku hanya seorang biasa

— January 19, 2015

Hanya yang tergopoh  yang tau seberapa jauh sudah berlari,

Terus tiada henti menguatkan kaki sendiri, menelan tipuan dan tikungan

yang mencibir terus terusan mencibir

tak berusaha melihat dari mana garis start bermula

belum lagi , yang melihat tak mampu mendengar,

terserah saja,

garis finish tak membutuhkan pujian karena sejak lama memulai juga karena dicela.

Perhaps — January 3, 2015
Dignity — January 2, 2015


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The only thing I learn about growing up was just the idea of dramaturgy,  that life is like a never ending drama in which people are the actors of their own. This everyday life is our stage that we need to play our role smoothly as well as we going to an end.

We become really good to maintain our front stage so much different with our back stage. But lately, this is just going much crazy… wondering how it happens on people with a good achievement and so much followers. But they prefer meaning it as just the spare.. They didn’t really mean it.

They just want to perform perfect but forget about their real- detail things. They just ACT in front of others in order to manipulate others’ impression. Regrettably, they didnt really maintain it as well as their truth personality. Its like there is no a real innocent person left, they just act as what  they want people to see.

Pretending a good impression just to them wo would give any advantage or imply their status. They just focus to people who could gave any priority to them  in order to maintain his/her achievement.   So how it would be when he/she  behave with people from another circle? (who doesn’t influent them ) They would act perfectly different. They didn’t care about their behave to them if  it is properly or not.They just making fun of it.  They just act what they want to act…  removing  their mask. Their truly self….their back stage, so much different as what delivered on their main circle.

As simple as that..

Doesn’t matter how bad it is, because it would not imply their image for any chance (since its from another circle) .  They didn’t care other people see them that bad as it has anything to do to their image on their front stage or main circle.

I dont know again.. how this world going to. Which one true or false, just blurred because everyone has their own argument.  One pretend like it has nothing to do with religion. Or claiming their framework as liberal or anything. Utilizing  justification as the truth. Annoying! isn’t it?

Ok then.. It is doesn’t deal with any religion.. but do you people remember about dignity?

Dignity, the only thing that I find it really hard today on people.To me it is the only thing should be maintained. It would be the answer for faking-friendship, cheat competitor,  lying people, unresponsible person, dishonest, corruption, …etc

As time goes.. it will reveal a lot about who has dignity and who has it not. Whatever their achievement or image its not the only measurement we should concerned about. Because it doesn’t answer anything. Why it is the main thing I sure about because without it (dignity) our identity just erased. It would maintain people long-lasting character. To not to always disappeared into the background where they were stand. To be brutally honest to ourself, and others. To be have our responsibility about our choice and its concequency. Because what we send out will comes back.

The dignity will be there on people who behave naturally, good everywhere without masked their own life. To wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve. They, who didnt that much concerned about people praises but doing their best everywhere to everyone. Without separating other as influental one or not. It kind of person who behave for them self only, as their own dignity against them to  do wrong  things. They take manners above everything.  It kind of people who’ve been done with them self.  To be what they really are without fooling others.

no matter how hard this life, only dignity still remains it is worth far more than anything….Lets our patience keep our dignity. – @syailariza

Forgiving The Year (: —

Forgiving The Year (:

313be3c5134f30c1af4d9ea7aec302c2During the end of the year, people usually recall their (one year behind) moment. Capturing what they’ve been through. So fresh, tangible and real.. experience is the only teacher of all things. The thing that can drive us to be a better one.  People tend to recall their achievment and wondering an important variable in their life. The things that should be maintaned well- as they want to sustain in their achievment. Like what things led them there? How many true friends that still stays to them in every condition? Or what is their personal mistakes that they do this year which they shouldn’t do back again next year? .. Or the very (hard to answer) question : Are we on the right path to our truly dream? Or we just waste our time to redifine our life’s expectation? We always come up again with our truly voice deep inside of us… Asking our self.
Finaly we realize that we always forget the idea about to stop conforming others’s ideal and start constructing our own. Yes thats the problem, we never give our self to be in the real-time evaluating. Times for reflection. Not to mention that we have to make resolutions but we can use this end of the year as our time to learn our only self, examining our past and make a plan to the future.
And not a few of people, who actually caught in their evaluation process. They began to blame their self, blame others, blame the past, blame the years for everything that they feel right now. They see the last year was their ‘errors’.
That people thinking that the past would always impact their (next) lifes, and desperately didn’t care about ‘tomorrow’. They give up too see another good things that might comes. When do evaluating they began to blame their self as the one whe making mistakes in lifes. And… I can say that the very first thing to do is to letting go. Ya, it takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. It doesn’t mean ignoring a situation but to accept what it is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control.
I know its kind of hard to do, that it’s incredibly hard to let go of one’s pain happened to us. But If we’ve held onto it for a long time, it feels like an old friend. Justified. It would be sacrilegious to let it go. It will ruin our lifes. Nobody’s life should be defined by their (past) pain. It’s not healthy, it adds to our stress, it hurts our ability to focus, study and work, and it impacts every other relationship we have (even the ones not directly affected by the hurt). Every day you choose to hold on to the pain is another day everybody around you has to live with that decision. And feel its consequence.
So, heal your self by forgiving the past.
Let us believe the past as the opporunity to learn as depression doesn’t heal anything. The very first thing to do is to forgive our self. Dont force our mind to seeking the answer of why we didnt knowing something sooner that we actually through it. Because we will never find out the answer, how could we know before we know it (have been through the mistakes). Just evolving ur self beautifully as we learn something new when we learn it (not a moment before). And life would always teach you from your bad times, karma, destiny, delusions…whatever, And we are all (just) beginners. So forgiving our self is the best way, this would open up our mind and heart so that we can recognize another healing opportunity. It would led us to see things differently, better.
This one is from Iyanla Vazant :
Today, I ask for and open myself to receive the strength, courage, and compassion required to forgive myself. I forgive myself for all perceived sins, faults, mistakes, and failings. I forgive myself for every thought, belief, behavior, perception, and emotion that I have told myself is bad, wrong, unjust, unloving, and displeasing to You, God. I forgive myself for every hurt, judgment, condemnation, unkind or unloving thought, belief, and perception I have held about or against myself. I forgive myself for any behaviors, habits, or actions motivated by unforgiveness, the unwillingness to forgive myself. I forgive myself with compassion and love. I ask for, accept, and claim God’s forgiveness. Today, believing and knowing that because I have asked, I have received. I am so grateful. I let it be! And so it is!
Yes let your self forgiving urs. Define our past year as the journey..and right now is the very perfect time to make a transformations that we need to manifest our life. This is what Elizabeth reminds us about Metanoia.
Metanoia; (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self or way of life.
Mind our self that everything happens to us is a part of God’s plan for our awakening. Dont see bad times would ruin our next but as the gift because its a road to transformation. And please always keep on our mind that we are the only actor to our change. We have to select our thought and our behaviour in order to make a move. We dont wait to change because we need it that bad. To be so much better-different tommorow. Better within ourself… the past was the only preparation. Because people come and go, situations rise and fall. Dont get stuck with your old standard of happiness. You have the key to fix your own. Just focus in the presence, and believe that god within you. Tommorow may be the only chance, that you have to try.
So.. take a deep breath and gently tell the past that now we break up. We want you (past year) to know it’s over between us. We’ve had a so much in pain this year, but it didnt mean there’s no good things next year. I am on my way to my faith, so stop bothering my way. I have a big plans for my 2015, and I can’t let anything hold me back any longer. I promise to my self that i will take every journey with me, and learn agreat deal about it, that is always a good thing. I forgave everything behind and ready for the new beggining. Be blessed and Happy New Year~Syaila (:
Angkuh — December 27, 2014


Angkuh hanya akan mencoreng perjuanganmu.

Angkuh justru menunjukkan betapa tak selesainya dirimu.

Angkuh adalah cerminan tak siap terhadap standar yang ditetapkan sendiri.

Angkuh menjauhkan setiap orang untuk mengenal dirinya sendiri.

Angkuh adalah serangan balik bagi siapa saja yg berada di posisi bertahan dalam pencapaian.

Angkuh bertolak belakang dari keberlanjutan citra.

Angkuh tak mengenal pilah pilih karena identitas tak mengenal roda

Angkuh menjadikan semua tentangmu tak layak

Angkuh hanya gambaran keberhasilan semu, pragmatis dan tak punya nilai.

Di atas, di bawah atau dalam proses tak butuh Angkuh.